no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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