i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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