The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize