the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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