We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
