is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
