One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
