Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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