he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
