Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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