people are starting to question the shark bite story
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
