She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize