the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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