i may or may not be watching the land before time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
