Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
