I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
