do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
