The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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