i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
