The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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