for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
