No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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