honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
