I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
