I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
