the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
