its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
