apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
