This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He passed out mid-signature
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My vagina is very pro this idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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