it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
