there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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