Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
