This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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