Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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