Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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