If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
