It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
