Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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