im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
