He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
