I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
