Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
