I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
