I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
