I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
