i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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