kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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