So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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