i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
