Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
