sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize