if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
