Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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(917): View more from New York City

I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish

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(702): View more from Nevada

Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.

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(817): View more from Texas

Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.

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(806): View more from Texas

i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw

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