Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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