So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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