Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
