Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
