So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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