why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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