Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
