If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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