Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
