Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
